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Week 27

Posted on May 25, 2012

Unwisely, Hubby informed me that our fetus isn’t so much kicking me in the gut daily and causing me discomfort just for shits and giggles, rather the little tyke is just beginning to practice “using the force.” And, of course this unbeknownst to me because I am no Jedi, I’m told. Apparently, Hubby will be using the weekends to educate our son (if it is a son) the vital importance of Star Wars, the force and proper use of the lightsaber. This is all I have the strength to update on this week, my dears. If you feel it necessary, as I do, you may join me in using the rest of the afternoon for weeping over the state of my marriage.

Week 26

Posted on May 22, 2012

I have developed a charming habit this week. Daily public chats with my unborn fetus. Yes, today on the way home from coffee with Bestie I realised I openly talk to my nasty baby as if it were already sitting in a car seat in the back of my car, Max. Sadly, Max is another luxury just like coffee time with Bestie that will most likely meet an untimely death when nasty baby make his or her first appearance. It is a trade off I’m coming to terms with; pooping, screaming, sleep-taking “angel” for … fun. All fun. Bye-bye fun. Although, every day I remind myself there is a silver lining. Even bigger jugs. Pretty much everyone appreciates boobs, so I’m thinking if I…

Week 25

Posted on May 16, 2012

So, it was brought to my attention by my older (and only, thank god) brother that my last post was practically unreadable because I came off as an unbearable suck-up. What did I tell him dear readers? To sod-off? Yeah, I probably should have but instead I investigated further asking if he had read more than the one post and when he said he had not, I wrote him off. When my kid refuses to read my writing but has a very loud opinion about it, at least I’ll be able to punish him accordingly. My favourite comment to my future child is going to be “Listen ass-monkey, I made you and I can break you just as easily.” Will I include the ass-monkey…

Week 24

Posted on May 7, 2012

For some reason during my teen years, my mother did a lot of talking. Even though from ages 14 to 18 we were at each other’s throats like barbarians out for blood, we spent an awful lot of time together. Recently, as my pregnancy advances toward that holy day when my kid rips me in two for shits and giggles, my mind has dug up memory after memory and most of them center around my own childhood and my true best friend. My wooden spoon wielding, Ukrainian mother has truly been my best friend. I can’t remember a time where my mother didn’t step up to the plate and deliver. Let me be sentimental for a moment, and then I promise I’ll drop it…