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The “Da Da Da Da” Event

Posted on February 20, 2013

So, you’ve decided to make “Dada” your first word, huh? Well, isn’t that nice! Sweet even … and no, of course I wasn’t expecting “Mama” to come first! Since I am only your goddamn primary caregiver, the woman who carried you, birthed you, bleeds for you, the woman who is practically your slave and you can’t frigging offer me a little babble “Mama” action? Are you, are you kidding me? Listen up, kid. I know your dad is pretty bitchin’ but you know what else he can be? A full-on actual bitch. Yeah, I said it. I own both your asses. Your dad thinks you’re as cool as creamed corn, so what? You guys gonna form a little club where you high-five each other…

I Just Needed to Say

Posted on February 15, 2013

I am just about three million miles away from anyone right now. Emotionally, I am in a boat floating aimlessly on open ocean and though the sea is calm beneath me I feel the distance between my boat and everything else just expand, expand, expand … In my apartment the clock on the wall is ticking its way around to three thirty am and I have been lying in bed awake listening to it claim little bits of my life. You know, a friend of mine just passed away. And, I must be going through the stages of grieving mightily slow because the hits just seem to keep on coming. I heard of his passing over a week ago but I can’t help myself…

Writing to you

Posted on February 7, 2013

Writing to you is like writing directly to my happiness. Mommy thought she was happy before you were born but she has since learned what true happiness feels like, what it can do and why money can’t buy it. Dear lovey, you are six months old and during this time and for a little while before you were here I have been writing this little journal. At first, to express how I felt about being pregnant (me being selfish) and then I wrote about motherhood while you were just days and then weeks, and now months old (more being selfish, and tired … and terrified.) But now, here we are with you turning half a year old and something that should have hit me…